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Old 16-06-2009, 10:16 AM   #1
cheddatom
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Tom's Raps

Dislaimer: None of this is meant to be offensive and or personal. It's probably only suitable for adults.


Seeing as KnT no longer has a banter thread, and i'm not going to lower myself to the standards of the masses, I will use this thread as an outlet for my rythmic rhyming raps.




I was walking down the road when I noticed a rat
I stopped to say hello, he said his name was Matt

(ME) "I knew it, I recognised you, you're Matt Bellamy!"
(RAT) "Don't be so offensive, what the fuck are you tellin' me?"
(RAT) "I look nothing like that cunt, i've got a big tail"
(RAT) "That doesn't stop his fans sending me his hate-mail"

I felt really bad, Muse had ruined his life
All he ever wanted was a little ratty wife
A peaceful existence away from rock 'n' roll
This look-alike business had really taken it's toll

Groupies and emos, and real rock fans
They all want a piece of this little rat-man
I took him on home to try and cheer him up
Extra herbs in his roll-ups, extra sugar in his cup

This rat was miserable, depressed, it was really rough
I decided there and then that this guy had had enough
I won't lie, I almost cried, my decision was tough
I squashed him with my foot into a little pile of mush

Last edited by cheddatom; 16-06-2009 at 03:01 PM.
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Old 16-06-2009, 10:30 AM   #2
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Old 16-06-2009, 12:25 PM   #3
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Good work Tom, one of your best yet.
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Old 16-06-2009, 12:30 PM   #4
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It only takes one wanker
To loose your KnT Banter
It only takes one whammy
To get your hands all clammy

It gets you sweating with desire
your love burns like a fire
Rock your whammy up and down
Rock your whammy all over town

Ladies need a man
who can not only dive-bomb
He can harmonise, he can detune,
Use his whammy with aplomb
They want a man who knows the fret board,
Really good with his fingers
You need to know when to shred,
And when to let it linger
warm her up with your hands
Then wack your whammy out
Toss off in her face
But ask the bitch to pout

What's the point of all this?
We want our banter back
I got side-tracked by women
Probably 'cos i'm mid-fap
I've got to go finish off
Wipe myself on the cat
But give us banter back
That's a KnT rap

Motherfucker!
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Old 16-06-2009, 01:13 PM   #5
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Rap with a message, you just get that on Radio 1...
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Old 16-06-2009, 03:02 PM   #6
Dramatic Hammer
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8/10, needs more whammy. Perhaps a little twisty chaos pad wouldn't go amiss?
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Old 16-06-2009, 03:35 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jon View Post
8/10, needs more whammy. Perhaps a little twisty chaos pad wouldn't go amiss?
Sorry, no prob...

Twisting in my pad
Showing off my whammy
This party's like Kaoss!
I say to my girl Tammy

"I'd rather a huge mansion"
The cheeky fucking bitch!!
It's MY twistly kaoss pad
I want to scratch her like an itch

"yeh it would be nice dear
in a huge mansion together"
I'm lying through my teeth
I should have stuck with that girl heather

She liked my twistly pad
She loved my massive whammy
If only she liked my awful habits
We would have been really happy!

I like to pull girl's teeth out
Until all that's left are gums
Much less scratching on your whammy
Blow jobs are much more fun

Waking up from the roofies
They wonder what the fuck's going on
There's a cock in their mouth that they can't bite
I think this rap's about done.

uh.

Whammy, whammy!
Whammy, whammy!
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Old 16-06-2009, 03:49 PM   #8
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on fire today. and they say dope ruins creativity...
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Old 16-06-2009, 03:54 PM   #9
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olol i'm actually at the apex of my current binge. Going to the states on thursday, can't take anything with me obviously, i'm going with my dad and brothers. This will be the longest i've been without weed in around 18 months so no idea what to expect.

Listen to me kids
Drugs ain't cool
It can happen to anyone
Even if you finish school

You can get a degree
Work a full time job
Be in a cool band
You're still a drugged-up slob

So when you're offered a joint
Even though it looks fat
Just say no kids
That's a KnT rap.
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Old 16-06-2009, 07:00 PM   #10
New Born Lee
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brother speaks the truth.
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Old 17-06-2009, 08:45 AM   #11
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If you're not a weedy geek who uses the net to look tough
If you're not a nerdy musician who's gear is never enough
If you've never got an erection looking at an amp head
You're not from KnT get the fuck off my thread
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Old 17-06-2009, 08:47 AM   #12
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My whammy is totally rocked. Uh! YEAH!
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Old 17-06-2009, 04:33 PM   #13
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I'm logging out of kit and tab
Only for a few days
Flying off to the states
Ending my drug-haze
I'm going to bad-boy records
They fucking love my raps
I'm going to get my cock out
and shout FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP



Some classics from the archive to keep you going....

PICS or GTFO
You're gay IMO
I fucking love your floor
Lets start the show:

I show you my amp
you stop and leer
Masturbating over gear
we're all fucking queer

Playing soggy pedal board
The last one has to lick it
Our gear means we'll never afford
A sh*tty muse ticket

That doesn't matter
We won't miss it
Since they stopped copying rage
Muse have really shit-it

Can someone show
How to get that MOTP sound?
Does anyone know?
Can it possibly be found?

Course it fucking can
Search you fucking twat!
This is fucking K&T
This is the K&T Rap.


Yeh, dig it

The K&T rap.






I wrote a letter to Santa
Then wiped my arse on it
I wrote him one last year
It wasn't worth shit

So I wrote a new letter
To embody my G.A.S
A KnT rap
To shove up yo mama's ass

So I asked my parents,
I asked for a fuzz factory
So I can twist it's knobs
And make my guitar sound nasty

And yo, I asked my parents,
I asked for a Kaoss Pad
(not 'cos i'm a wannabe)
To make my guitar sound mad

I asked them for a diezel
A VH4
They said "no way!"
"We can't afford any more!!"

How about that?
The fucking cunts
I'll never get brutal tone
Christmas sucks.

I just want my fucking presents
I just want my fucking money
Bring me twistly guitar gear
and bring it in a hurry







Since I got my whammy
My life's been turned around
With a small cock and ugly looks
My love-life had run a-ground

Now i've got my whammy
My head's held proud and high
I walk past groups of hot chicks
And every one of them sighs

I'm like a fucking lynx advert
The effect is that extreme
Some people like to blend the dry
But that wouldn't work with the meme

If you get a whammy
You can be as cool as me
women want to whammy your whammy
They want to whammy while you pee

If you get a whammy
You put your wank-sock in the bin
No more fapping, only tapping
You're made of epic-win!

Since I got my whammy
I whammied your mum, your dad, your cat
No more bedroom-wanking now
That's a KnT rap

uh

whammy
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Old 17-06-2009, 05:31 PM   #14
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that's some serious lyrical onslaught right there.
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Old 18-06-2009, 11:57 AM   #15
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Get a job!
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