Scenes we'd like to see... Message board style

[skittles]

Same as on mock the week

If you haven't seen it

Here's an example (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNz9GfzoYZQ)

Also, you can change the scenario whenever you want

First topic: Things polce officers should never say

[theimpressiveclergyman]

It's probably wrong that I quite fancy the two young 'uns, isn't it...
(Er, not related to the category. :LOL: )

[skittles]

Haha don't worry

[Wowee Zowee]

I fancy Reg from The Bill.

[skittles]

Police school pfft... i got my training from watching hours of starsky and hutch

[Mona]

First topic: Things polce officers should never say

"and what colour was your underwear during the time of the rape?"

[Ducky101]

"and what colour was your underwear during the time of the rape?"

"Pink. My mother washed red clothes in with the white clothes."

"So you live with your mother?"

[skittles]

"Pink. My mother washed red clothes in with the white clothes."

"So you live with your mother?"

"Yeah i got kicked out of my flat by my landlord for eating his gerbil"

[Tom]

You're doing it wrong and it's your OWN thread. :LOL: This could be pretty decent, too.

[skittles]

Haha well i didn't think the people understood it properly so i just went with the flow

[Max]

You're doing it wrong and it's your OWN thread. :LOL: This could be pretty decent, too.

Yup.

'Things to piss of a Main Muse member'

[skittles]

Guess what PMT, Matt's actually a girl peacock

[Lucy]

'Things to piss of a Main Muse member'

News: Lead singer of rock band Muse, Matt Bellamy, was wed today in an off-the-cuff ceremony to his long-time Italian girlfriend.

[skittles]

Breaking news: Matt bellamy reveals he is actually Thom yorke

[Ducky101]

Matt is allergic to potassium.

[Juuso]

News: Muse are cancelling shows in UK due to fear of berserker messageboard fans.

[Max]

He's got great looks, amazing hair, a musical genius...oh hang on. We're not talking about Jonny Greenwood?

[Juuso]

He's got great looks, amazing hair, a musical genius...oh hang on. We're not talking about Jonny Greenwood?

Doesn't work since they don't know who's Jonny :p

[Max]

The reason why Matt stays so slim is because he eats a diet of whichti grub and kangaroo's testicles.

[Max]

Doesn't work since they don't know who's Jonny :p

:LOL::LOL::LOL:

[skittles]

Dom Howard has just annouced he is leaving Muse to join Girls aloud

[skittles]

Doesn't work since they don't know who's Jonny :p

I know who johnny is because i find him strangely attractice

[Lucy]

Matt is allergic to potassium.

:LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

[Emmy]

"And lowe, God did refuse to pay child benefit taxes, and unto him was delivered a caution..."

I though of that myself, thought it was quite funny :p

Muse one...... *Kepranos's house*- "Rohypnol, vibrator.... Come out Caff, we've got you surrounded!"

[Max]

Tom Kirk has been sacked by Muse and has been replaced by a monkey. With a Radiohead jumper. And a wonky eye.

[skittles]

Tom Kirk has been sacked by Muse and has been replaced by a monkey. With a Radiohead jumper. And a wonky eye.

What, They've employed kev

[Abbey]

He's got great looks, amazing hair, a musical genius...oh hang on. We're not talking about Jonny Greenwood?
:LOL:
I know who johnny is because i find him strangely attractice
+1 :happy: A bloke working in the local bookshop looked like him, but after I went in three days in a row, I never saw him again :(
Tom Kirk has been sacked by Muse and has been replaced by a monkey. With a Radiohead jumper. And a wonky eye.
:LOL:
What, They've employed kev

:eek: :LOL:

[skittles]

New topic: Bad things for dictators to say

[Mona]

New topic: Bad things for dictators to say

"I wipe my arse with the taxes you pay."

[Alex]

"Three days ago, I think I had a shower"

[Mona]

"Saddam Hussein on the massmurder of the Kurds: I heard voices."

[Ducky101]

Tony Blair says: Jade Fish'n'Chips

[Max]

'You citizens are leading a perfect life with your standard houses as I speak to you from my mansion'

[Emmy]

Bush- "Where is Iraq anyway?"

[Abbey]

"As my old Friend Hitler once said..."

[Max]

How it should be done:

Bcvfsc0AcBw

[Emmy]

"As my old Friend Hitler once said..."

:LOL:

[Ducky101]

Bush: i love oil:happy:

[Ducky101]

How it should be done:

Bcvfsc0AcBw

hahahaha :LOL:

[Mona]

PRZU22V7fHs

[skittles]

Tony blair: I sleep with elves

[Mona]

"Bush: I am proud to say that I have joined AA."

[Emmy]

PRZU22V7fHs

:LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

[skittles]

New topc

Rejected reality T.v programs

[Ducky101]

PRZU22V7fHs

ahaha that's awesome

[Knightofcydonia]

Blair: If you jail me, I'll take double...

[skittles]

And tonite on ITV, Celebrities have the funniest deaths

[Abbey]

Next on Channel 4: Watching Paint Dry with Timmy Mallett.

[Caro]

Breaking news: Matt bellamy reveals he is actually Thom yorke

:LOL:

I actually 'LOLed at that'. Good call.

[Caro]

Tonight on Channel 4, you decide which station chairperson gets sent to India to make peace. All text messages cost £1 plus the standard network charge.

[Liam]

Next on ITV1, the new series of Celebrity Dueling, in which celebrities are pitted against each other in a fast-draw western shootout.

[Emmy]

Celebrities eat crisps! Watch in amazement as your favourite celebs tuck into a packet of salt and vinegar!

[Larsen B]

First topic: Things polce officers should never say

Yes, yes it is because you're black.

[Tom]

New topc

Rejected reality T.v programs

Celebrity Blind Date - with guest host John Leslie!

[Lucy]

Yes, yes it is because you're black.

:LOL:

[Knightofcydonia]

Celebrity Blind Date starring Stevie Wonder and David Blunkett. Bound and Gagged by our Graham, for lora, lora laughs...

[theimpressiveclergyman]

I know who johnny is because i find him strangely attractice
Strangely? There is no fringe to rival.

[Mort]

When Chipmunks Attact: A true story of friendship, betrayl and bravery.

[skittles]

Tonite of ITV1 : Jade goody drunk and rowdy

[Ril]

Whose Line Is It Anyway was better.

[GorkerMorker]

Tonight on BBC: Stars under the ice

[skittles]

Whose Line Is It Anyway was better.

I've heard of that

Never seen it though

[Mort]

Whose Line Is It Anyway was better.

Next on Channel 4: Plug It! Watch as Collin Mockery get's his hairline fixed.

[Emmy]

New one, how to make an awkward situation even worse.

[Mort]

New one, how to make an awkward situation even worse.

So, was it as good for you as it was for me?

[skittles]

New one, how to make an awkward situation even worse.

Right the president's dead, so why does my boyfriend have an erection

[GorkerMorker]

Of course i always look at you in the eyes while having sex dear! Even though that last time was trough the window...

[Emmy]

Rape eh? Still, better than death.

[Knightofcydonia]

Oh yeah James, you're auntie is sooo hot.

Dude she's 56!

[GorkerMorker]

"Your sister? I could swear she was your dad!"

[skittles]

"Tell your brother that last night was amazing

I have no brother, but i do have a donkey"

[Emmy]

"Your sister? I could swear she was your dad!"

:LOL:

"Aww, how many months in are you?"
"I'm not pregnant :stunned: "
"Oh, well maybe shift some of the last baby weight then eh?"
"I haven't got any kids :stunned: "

[skittles]

"Awww i didn't know you had a toddler, what's the little guy's name

That's my husband and he's infertile"

[Mort]

"Baby, that was wonderfull."
"Baahhh"

[Knightofcydonia]

To the skinhead brother of your new girlfriend:

"Didn't I see you on Crimewatch last night?"

[GorkerMorker]

"I'm sorry i didn't mean to offend you because of your black skin, i never meant to be racist, take it positive; at least you're not a jew"

[skittles]

"I'm sorry about getting you executed and all but you look so like Osama, didn't your sister tell you to get rid of the beard"

[Emmy]

"Awww i didn't know you had a toddler, what's the little guy's name

That's my husband and he's infertile"

"I'm sorry i didn't mean to offend you because of your black skin, i never meant to be racist, take it positive; at least you're not a jew"

:LOL: :LOL:

[Mort]

"I told you, scream and I'll slit your throat!"

[GorkerMorker]

"I'm sorry, i didn't meant to hurt you that way baby, yes, i should have looked better, but your belly button is really deep"

[GorkerMorker]

New topic: Blind dates gone wrong

[Knightofcydonia]

Janie gave Dave the clap after their trip to Iceland went wrong

[Emmy]

"Oh, Jess didn't mention you were into bestiality..."
"That's my mum :stunned: "

[Ril]

I've heard of that

Never seen it though
I'm not sure you were born then. :LOL:

[glasskite]

"Mum, what the hell are you doing here?!"

[GorkerMorker]

"So you didn't mention you suffered from leprosy because of the word limit in the contact adverts?"

[Emmy]

"So you didn't mention you suffered from leprosy because of the word limit in the contact adverts?"

:LOL:

[Chizzleface]

"Hi, I'm Rose West"

[Knightofcydonia]

After the date, can you take me back to see your brother? I want to play with him.

[Caro]

When my friend said blind date, I didn't expect you to be bringing your dog.

[skittles]

When my friend said blind date, I didn't expect you to be bringing your dog.

:LOL: :LOL:

[Juuso]

"Do you usually keep your pepper gun out at dates?"

[Chizzleface]

New topic: what not to say to your passengers when you're a pilot.

"Rover, show me where the control stick is"

[Alex]

"This plane is so dam insane, it can fly to anywhere"

[Mona]

Pilot: "Imagine.. Me.. In a plane!"

[GorkerMorker]

"Allah Akbar!"

[Chizzleface]

"Does anyone know the way to Lanzarote?"

[Mona]

From Mock the Week:

"Of course it's not a poisonous snake. What would a poisonous snake be doing on a plane?"

[Mona]

"Allah Akbar!"

That could be funny, but it really is tasteless.

[Chizzleface]

From Mock the Week:

"Of course it's not a poisonous snake. What would a poisonous snake be doing on a plane?"

That's cheating :p

So if you can do it...

"Do you like movies about gladiators?"

[GorkerMorker]

That could be funny, but it really is tasteless.

Well, blimey, didn't you read all my other contributions?

[Max]

Today's pilot is Jojo, so do not be alarmed to see a stray banana skin on the ground

[GorkerMorker]

Today's pilot is Jojo, so do not be alarmed to see a stray banana skin on the ground

"ZO ZE AYER PORT"

[Max]

That was shit [mine]. So here's a new topic:

Things to not to say to a drunk person whilst sober...

[Chizzleface]

"Hello, I'm a copper."

[Mort]

"Don't worry, I've played Flight Sim 98, like, 1000 times!"

[Wowee Zowee]

"Allah Akbar!"
haha classic.

[Mona]

New topic:

Things you wouldn't want to hear your parents say.

[Chizzleface]

"Ooh, I've just come"

[Popey]

Giving birth to you gave me a chuff like a wizard's sleve.

[Gemsy]

Giving birth to you gave me a chuff like a wizard's sleve.

:LOL: I'm sure my mum has said that...

[Max]

Fancy a threesome?

[Popey]

Now that you mention it, yes the milkman does have the same lisp as you.

[shadowkay]

bloody hell {insert dads name} my bum is really sore this morning

[Popey]

Don't you just hate it when you get a pube caught at the back of your throat?

[shadowkay]

that is one hairy bush

[Lucy]

Putting that sex swing in was a good idea but my back doesn't half hurt.

[skittles]

"Your school play gave me an erection"

[Mona]

"You are the result of sado/masochistic sex. I told your dad we shouldn't have gotten into it."

[shadowkay]

thats not your real dad, he died during autoerotic asphyxiation

[Popey]

Oh no, Ingrid has died of aids. You don't remember Ingrid? She's that woman we paid to breast feed you.

[Ducky101]

Can i change topic? Sod it. I will anyway....:p

Things not to say, when someone's lost their puppy.

[peaches]

I love my puppies.......with ketchup :eek:

[Clunge]

'Have you met the new neighbours? They're Korean!'

[Beast Love]

You check the dog shelter, I'll check the take-away

[peaches]

http://www.fugly.com/media/IMAGES/Priceless/hungrypuppy.jpg

[Mona]

You check the dog shelter, I'll check the take-away

:LOL:


That was your dog? I'm so sorry! I've still got one of his legs left.

[Lucy]

I feel soo bad, I ran over a puppy today and left it for dead.

[Abbey]

"Funny that! I saw a puppy in the road earlier... Terrible mess"

[Popey]

Funny that! A Korean family moved in down the road the other day.

[Chizzleface]

Yeah, I saw him the other day, when I was burying him.

[Lucy]

I'm changing topic:

Things you wouldn't want your landlord to say..

[shadowkay]

ill have to whip you up a batch of my famous grilled puppy eyes

[Ducky101]

The bathroom window overlooks my bedroom... the shower curtain doesn't work.

[Popey]

The cameras in the bathroom are for security purposes.

[Stecloud]

I'm changing topic:

Things you wouldn't want your landlord to say..

"Oh! The boiler was emitting Carbon MON-oxide...sorry for you loss :("

[Chizzleface]

"My other home's 25 Cromwell Street"

[Popey]

"Oh! The boiler was emitting Carbon MON-oxide...sorry for you loss :("

:LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

[Popey]

The attic is strictly off limits. Just trust me. Don't go up there.

[shadowkay]

theres the man that comes round that looks a bit like me, he likes to watch you sleep

[Lucy]

The washing machine is a bit tough, so you can give me all your 'delicates' to wash.

[Chizzleface]

What not to say to your Boss:

Fucking hell, I'm pissed!

[Popey]

The paper is better than the gold coins? :stunned:

[Chizzleface]

"Your wife's a right goer...and what a firm arse she's got"

[Ducky101]

Boss: What's the exchange rate atm?
You: No no.. i'm getting a sex change next month :rolleyes:

[shadowkay]

last night i put anthrax in you inbox

its only a matter of time now

[Mort]

No, i'm not ill. I just couldn't be fucked coming in.

[Max]

God, your wife is good on the carpet!

[Mort]

So, about that pay rise..

[egomaniac]

"don't worry, it's only a pet cemetery"

[leetroot]

oh dear, you mean you hadn't told everyone about your haemorrhoids ?

[Mona]

Things you don't want to hear on your wedding night.

[Popey]

Things you don't want to hear on your wedding night.

Thank you for waiting until tonight to have sex, I know it's been a hard few years. But could we wait one more night?

[Mona]

Thank you for waiting until tonight to have sex, I know it's been a hard few years. But could we wait one more night?

:LOL:

The bride: "Finally, I can walk freely as a man."

[Mort]

Shit.. i lost the key to the chastity belt!

[shadowkay]

i wanna slap a little rouge on yer, maybe tuck your sack back

[GorkerMorker]

"Wow having a wife is really great, i should have done this marriage thing much earlier! You bet, I'm going to do it again soon"

"Not now sweetheart, i got a headache"

[Chizzleface]

Shit.. i lost the key to the chastity belt!

:LOL:

[Lucy]

I don't believe in sex... full stop.

[Mort]

"Awww, it's so cute."

[Chizzleface]

"Is it in yet?"

[Mort]

"Dutch oven!"

[Chizzleface]

New scene time:

What not to say if you're a bank robber.

"Don't move mother stickers, this is a fuck up!"

[Popey]

Wedding one: "I......country.......stay......now?" :D

Robbers: "While I'm here could apply for a business loan?"

[skittles]

"Ok this will be a stickup once i've had a shit"

[Beast Love]

"S..P...erm? Must be a foriegn currency..."

[leetroot]

did you wash these tights ?

[Mona]

"GIVE ME THE KEYS TO THE VAULT! And while you're on it, the one to the bathroom as well, cause I really got to pee."

[Beast Love]

*to accomplice* "ha, it's a good thing they don't know this gun's not loaded"

[Mona]

*to accomplice* "ha, it's a good thing they don't know this gun's not loaded"

:LOL:

[PlugedInBaby]

This is boring, can we do something else now

[Lucy]

Things you don't wanna hear at parents evening (from a teacher/pupil/parent)

[Mort]

Things you don't wanna hear at parents evening (from a teacher/pupil/parent)

Teacher: Lu's fucking great in bed!

[Lucy]

Teacher: Lu's fucking great in bed!

:yesey: It's funny cos it's true (not the having sex with a teacher part)

[Mort]

:yesey: It's funny cos it's true (not the having sex with a teacher part)

Proof?

[Lucy]

Proof?

I don't own any personal sex tapes.

EDIT: I don't own any sex tapes.

[Mort]

I don't own any personal sex tapes.

EDIT: I don't own any sex tapes.

Do the others?

[Lucy]

Do the others?

I hope not. No actually, I severely doubt they do.

[skittles]

Things you don't wanna hear at parents evening (from a teacher/pupil/parent)

"I'm gonna put this to you nicely, your child is a wanker"

[Wowee Zowee]

Mr Weston: I have a special bond with your son "touches thigh"

[skittles]

Mr Weston: I have a special bond with your son "touches thigh"

:LOL:

[Max]

A much needed resurrection:

Worst thing to say at the BBC proms.

[Gem]

A much needed resurrection:

Worst thing to say at the BBC proms.

When are Muse due on? ololo

[Max]

Conductor: This is for anyone who loves a bit of R'n'B!

[Caff]

A much needed resurrection:

Worst thing to say at the BBC proms.

"Ok so...we couldn't get poppy petals this year, so I'm afraid it's either tulips or sunflowers"

[cornelius]

"In a change of line-up, we now have Scooter".

[Max]

"In a change of line-up, we now have Scooter".

:LOL:

"And now with their unique take on Beethoven, THE ENEMY!"

[Jase]

"And now, in a break from tradition, the symphony orchestra for 'Jerusalem' will be conducted by Stephen Hawking."

[Sarah]

Here is the BBC Philharmonic who are about to perform the classic Baby Got Back.

[Alex]

"Hi, Im Barry Scott and here is what you have all been waiting for..... Rick Astley!"

[inn]

"Hi, Im Barry Scott and here is what you have all been waiting for..... Rick Astley!"
Followed by...

"You've just been rickrolled!"

[Broken Inside]

I say, that fifty minute prog rock opera was rather smashing...

[Popey]

That Beethoven piece was dreadful, he must have been deaf when writing it!

[cornelius]

Brrrap!

[Lula]

matt is allergic to potassium.
:lol:
that beethoven piece was dreadful, he must have been deaf when writing it!

:lol::lol:

[ChrisirhC]

That Beethoven piece was dreadful, he must have been deaf when writing it!

:LOL:

[Max]

And now, the BBC Philarmonic Orchestra, accompanied by Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince.

[ChrisirhC]

Wow who is this conductor? He can really spin the decks!

[Jase]

"And now, the BBC Philharmonic Orchestra, accompanied by Serj Tankian, will play 'Beethoven's Cunt'."

[Max]

Bad things for Barack Obama to say to Gordon Brown

OR

Bad things for Gordon Brown to say to Barack Obama

[Davy]

"pull my finger"

[Chizzleface]

"So, does that eye have a laser in it?"

[Jase]

Barack Obama:
"So I hear you're leaving soon?"

[skittles]

Gordan: So you must be Mr Obama, now polish my shoes you black motherfucker

[theanatomyofguns]

Gordan: So you must be Mr Obama, now polish my shoes you black motherfucker

:LOL:I did a proper OHHHHHHH for that one

[Max]

Obama: You're no poodle!

[Max]

UNLIKELY THINGS TO HEAR ON DRAGON'S DEN

Go!

[Liam]

Raar. I'm a reeaalll dragon

[Alex]

Deal Or No Deal?

[originalboywonder]

Help yourself.

[Chizzleface]

hi i'm barry scott!!!!

[CitizenErased13]

I will invest my £100,000 in you.. if you give me a blow job.

[Max]

My name is Mr Mosley, and I would like £200,000 to invest my nazi-themed orgy party service, and in return you get free toys.

[Jase]

"Hi, my names Alan Sugar..."

[Max]

Oh shut up Peter Jones, what do you know about business you tall, lanky bastard?!?!

[Ross]

"I am Osama Bin laden, and I want £100,000 to start an opium farm in Afghanistan, which I will co-ordinate from my cave"

[ninja]

so, how does this actually work?

[Liam]

Hello, my name is Gordon Brown. I'm looking for £150,000 so I can have reconstructive surgery and settle into a new, secret life abroad.

[Zaphod Chizzlebrox]

Having a Mock The Week binge and I remembered this thread...new scene time :awesome:

Things you'd never hear in a Government Cabinet meeting.

[cornelius]

Having a Mock The Week binge and I remembered this thread...new scene time :awesome:

Things you'd never hear in a Government Cabinet meeting.

That's an excellent policy Nick, we'll implement it immediately.

[Zaphod Chizzlebrox]

Gordon, it's David...erm...do you have any spare policies we can borrow? We've run out here.

[Ross]

Our newest plan to combat inflation is to to invest in pins for the Bank of England's bouncy castle

[Rage Kitty]

Having a Mock The Week binge and I remembered this thread...new scene time :awesome:

Things you'd never hear in a Government Cabinet meeting.

Leik, wen I was down in da Etun wiv mai homie Bozman we totally did sum wickd sensimilla bruv!

[Caff]

So guys...is there any way we can blame this brand spanking new policy on the previous administration?

[seregon]

I was searching.. you were on a mission.. then our hearts collided.. like a Con/Lib Coalitioooon

[allypap]

Having a Mock The Week binge and I remembered this thread...new scene time :awesome:

Things you'd never hear in a Government Cabinet meeting.

"Shit, we shouldn't have done that. Oh well, better come clean"

[Mozza]

"You know what George, I think we should give the poor and the young a break, maybe take a look at ourselves and see where we've been going wrong, what do you say?"

[seregon]

*presses buzzer*

Things you wouldn't hear at a Radiohead gig

[Mozza]

*presses buzzer*

Things you wouldn't hear at a Radiohead gig

"We're going to do a cover of one of our favourite songs now, sing along if you know the words.


.........birds flying high, you know how I feeeeeeeeel"

[Humphrey Goldenbollocks]

*presses buzzer*

Things you wouldn't hear at a Radiohead gig

"Anyone know where I can get some pills like?"


Oh wait, I have :facepalm: The one thing everyone wants to be doing during Pyramid Song is gurn their tits off

[Max]

*vuvuzela noise*

:party:

[Lick My Face]

*presses buzzer*

Things you wouldn't hear at a Radiohead gig

"Right, time for an Oasis cover."

[Max]

"Tonight, you're in for a treat. Pablo Honey in full!"

[Lick My Face]

"There was this one thing Miley Cyrus said while we were chatting at the Grammys in 2009..."

[Mozza]

"Thank you for coming to the first show of our greatest hits tour!"

[vampiresquirrel]

*applause*:LOL:

[Futurellama]

"We're going to play the new song... it was inspired by Coldplay"

[Humphrey Goldenbollocks]

"After this we're going to go shoot some polar bears and drive huge 4x4s"

[ryanbmuff]

'we're now going to play something good'.











LOL that was good.

[Mozza]

'we're now going to play something good'.











LOL that was good.

You know you loved Thom at Glasto :LOL:

[glasskite]

"Can the carer of the little man currently on the stage please make make yourself known to security personnel? We think he might be having a fit."

[Tedward Bear]

"herp de derp de herpy de deerp..... My name is Johnny and I have a silly haircut and play the guitar like somebody with a problem"

[Spittle]

"2...3...4...My lovely horse..."

[Zaphod Chizzlebrox]

"This song is dedicated to those brave souls at Top Gear"

[Spittle]

*Bzzzzzz*

Things a teacher shouldn't say...

[seregon]

Right, kids, as it's the last day of term I've bought in some films from my collection we can watch.. Edward Penishands or Flesh Gordon?

[Banksy.]

Right, kids, as it's the last day of term I've bought in some films from my collection we can watch.. Edward Penishands or Flesh Gordon?

For our media project, we'll be watchng either Bedroom Eyes or Basic Instinct. Which would you prefer?

[Me Rug I Sty]

Okay, get out your calculators.
Type "58008"
turn your calculator upside down.

[Mozza]

*Bzzzzzz*

Things a teacher shouldn't say...

Well Jimmy it seems I'll have to call in your Mum again this week......

[Max]

"Today we're going to learn about the moon. Nope, not that kind of moon..."